Just after my Squidge was born (January last year):
– I was still with her dad.
– We had temporarily moved in with my parents so that we (I) could save for a mortgage.
– We were looking at where we were going to invest for our family home.
– I was already planning when I would be going back to work full time.
– I was even thinking about how long it would be before I could apply for a Leadership role again!
Roll on just three months later…
– I was a single mum who had just agreed to go part time at work (I did this while I was with her dad – he said we would manage together, but then he left).
– I had just been diagnosed with Dilated Cardiomyopathy and Heart Failure.
– A Cervical Cancer Scare was on the table.
– I had a new baby who had just been diagnosed as partially deaf.
– I had to learn how to make time for myself!
Things had changed dramatically, so I came to the realisation that my outlook on life would also have to change!!
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Mortgage / Money
Although I love the “idea” of owning my own home, I am a single mum who works part-time and has Heart Failure – Mortgage companies won’t be diving over each other to offer me a loan!
Squidge’s nursery (where she goes while I’m at work) costs me £1020 a month!! This means that I cannot save anything much at all until she starts full time School (in just over 3 years).
I have actually spent quite a long time looking at Childcare.co.uk to try to find a private babysitter – it could save me at least £400 EVERY MONTH!! Not bad!
Rather than having those savings just sitting there, knowing that I won’t be able to build on it for at least 5 years, on top of the fact that I’ll probably struggle like crazy and be super stressed about mortgage payments etc., I thought about it properly…
WHY do I want a mortgage?
- So I can decorate the place how I want and know it’s mine!
- So I’m not paying someone else’s mortgage off instead (pretty much what renting is)
Do I want to give the property to Squidge when she grows up?
- No. I grew up knowing that if I want something, I have to work for it.
- I want to instill that work ethic in my daughter. Nothing comes for free in this World and I want to teach her that. Might sound harsh, but I want her to be a strong woman from the get-go!
- Besides…she might not even want the property!
Do I NEED a mortgage?
So, I stopped saving for a mortgage, and started putting money aside for “enjoyment”.
This has taken away a HUGE stress from my life and although it seemed like a big decision to make, it really wasn’t.
I now look forward to and get excited about something that is coming, rather than worry about something that is coming.
I have managed to reach the tender age of 30, without ever travelling outside of the UK (crazy, I know!). We both got our first passports this year! My “savings” have paid for us to have so much fun travelling!
Squidge and I have gone to Paris, Venice, Vienna, Mallorca (twice), Barcelona and Greece this year, and we are hopefully going away one more time before we hit 2019!
Also, when Squidge gets to full time School and I am able to save again, who knows, I may start looking at a Mortgage again, but right now – in this moment in time, I am living my life and enjoying it.
After Squidge’s dad left us, I was in panic mode!
My ideal “fairytale” family was no longer, my dream of singing Christmas songs with mummy and daddy by a piano (yes, I’m that kind of cheese!) were no more, the fun of sharing Squidge’s special moments with my partner were long gone and…well, I had nobody to hold at night or to feel loved by.
Ugh! Sort it out Sarah!
It took me a good few months of feeling sorry for myself before I realised that what’s done is done and there is absolutely NO point in dwelling on it.
There was no point in looking to the future and being sad about the “fact” what I wanted wasn’t going to happen.
The more I thought about it, the more I realised that actually, I am more blessed than I ever realised! Squidge has an AMAZING relationship with my parents and my brother.
They are my rock.
They are who I share my ups and downs with.
They are the ones we sing Christmas songs with and who we celebrated her 1st Birthday with.
And guess what…it is awesome!
I’m no longer looking to the future and worrying about “never finding a man”. I actually went on one date after about a year, but have since began to attempt a reconciliation with Squidge’s dad.
If it doesn’t work out with him (I don’t want to think about that again, but I’d be stupid not to), I know the right man will come in time.
Why worry about how or if you will find that special someone?
Be happy with yourself.
Stop your negative thinking and beat the anxiety!
Be content and secure in your own space.
Embrace the love that you already have around you- your family and friends.
Focus on building yourself to a better you and loving yourself before you start thinking about loving another.
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